STORY

Life’s most defining moments come when we simply, and finally, give up. Really give up – not only with our heads, but our hearts. In those seasons, we honestly come to believe that there’s literally nothing we can do to make our own agenda happen. We become devoid of any hope for our self-ordered future, and we simply crumble into the arms of God and mutter, “Uncle”.

For me, this experience took shape in the summer of 2001, while driving a 1985 RV home from Yellowstone National Park. The RV actually drove more like an ’87, so that was a plus. As I was driving, God began to whisper something into my heart that felt like these words: “You are not cut out to remain a pastor any longer.” I responded by doing what any Spirit-filled man would do. I pretended it never happened.

Up to that point, I had been a full-time, licensed, marry and bury, lead worship and preach, pastor for 14 very full-time years. Secretly, I wanted out. But admitting that to anyone would be admitting failure, so I pressed on in pastoral ministry for another three years. I persevered with some measure of success, until the Rams played the Steelers on Monday Night Football, in November 2004.

My Rams were losing that night, and it put me in an awful mood. My awful mood carried into a garage cleanliness discussion with my wife – a discussion that eventually elevated to knock-down, drag-out proportions. My three daughters hid in their rooms while Dad spewed verbal wildfire all over the house.

I had become the man I promised never to become.

My kids knew it. My wife knew it. And finally, I knew it.  Pastoral ministry had officially kicked my butt – a butt-kicking that I had allowed, and even invited.

The next morning, I met with the Senior Pastor of my church and resigned.

Life’s most defining moments come when we simply, and finally, give up.

In February of 2005, I found myself with no job, the single salary of my wife (a teacher), and a complete identity crisis. I had been a pastor for 17 years. And now, if I was no longer a pastor, who was I?

To help me answer that question, God led me to purchase “The Journey of Desire” (workbook too), by John Eldredge. For the first time in my life, I could actually discern my own God-given desires OUTSIDE of the assumptions of pastoral work in a local church. Through an emotional, two-month process, I discovered me.

I discovered that I love being a dad, and that I had a lot of making up to do.¬† I discovered that I am a risk-taker, and an entrepreneur. I discovered that I love to preach, but with media, not spoken words. I discovered that I needed to reacquaint myself with God’s grace, and that I needed to model, and live into a Kingdom-grace in all of my relationships with people. And finally, I discovered that I was a terrible employee, and that I needed to lead within a team of equals.

Floodgate Productions has become the beta version of my desires and core beliefs.  This is the company that I, along with two great friends, formed in February of 2006.  My beautiful wife has not only supported me, but actually encouraged me in this endeavor.

Thanks for taking the time to read about me. I’m honored you made it this far.  I’m overwhelmed by the fact that you’re even reading this, or anything else on this site.  I pray that you’re blessed and encouraged.  And that you come to believe – with all your heart – that life’s most defining moments come when we simply, and finally

give up.

GM

PS:  I’m still a Rams fan, and honestly believe that next year looks pretty good.