Christians speak truth with two voices.  One voice is Scripture.  The other voice is their own brokenness.

When Christians speak the voice of Scripture, it usually starts with, “The Bible says…”, “Thus saith the Lord”, or “Jesus taught about this topic, and here’s what he said…”  In the best case, a pastor/teacher uses this voice when helping his congregation live more like Christ.  In the worst case, Christians stand from a distance and rain down biblical standards over people who don’t even believe in the Bible.  Both are using the voice of Scripture to communicate.  And both do this (I believe) out of a legitimate concern to communicate God’s voice.

When Christians speak with the voice of their own brokenness, they’re admitting some past or present hurt or struggle.  They’re allowing us into their soul.  They’re risking reputation in order to communicate – their heart to ours.  They’re using the voice of their own brokenness to communicate truth to us.  As you know, this can be extremely healing.

While I hear both voices equally, the voice of someone’s brokenness changes me more profoundly than the voice of Scripture.

Unless…

Unless a third alternative comes into play.

For me, the most profound personal change in my heart comes when someone speaks the voice of Scripture, in brokenness.

I contend that Scripture comes alive in the hearts of people most when it’s delivered from one self-professed beggar to another.  We can tell the story of Jesus, or we can share the story of Jesus.

I’m finding that no one really wants to hear what I think the Bible says unless the words are tied to my own very personal, verbalized brokenness.

For people whose ears were already bent in the direction of Jesus, I don’t think he shouted.  I think he spoke softly, with compassion and understanding.

The way we communicate the heart of God to people was never meant to be shouted with a bullhorn, but whispered through tears.  And even though I may deeply desire to stand on a rooftop and proclaim the wonders of God, I need to ask myself if that desire stems from a heart that’s full of brokenness…

or the arrogant desire to prove myself correct.

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I was a full-time Creative Arts Pastor for eight years.  And now that I’m out of the madness and insanity of the pace of that ministry, I feel like I can look back and see everything more clearly.

And I see with extreme clarity the things I’d do different when planning and implementing a church’s Easter services.

So when I stop all the self-editing I’m prone toward, here’s what comes out…

I WOULDN’T COUNT THE NUMBERS OF PEOPLE. Knowing the number of people who attended the Easter services only did more harm than good to my heart.  While it always provided a temporary emotional lift, the next weekend services descended back down to a more normal level of attendeees.  Reality set in, always mixed with a little depression.  We should know names, then follow up – hard.  But counting them never really did much good – except when I would later brag to other pastors about that number.  Size mattered, I guess.

I’D TELL MORE PEOPLE-STORIES. I’d focus on creating 2-3 video stories of people whose lives have been absolutely transformed by the life of Christ.  I’d work at weaving those creatively into the entire Easter experience.  I’d also work to make baptisms (lots of them) happen during the Easter services.

I’D PERFORM A SECULAR SONG THAT EVERYONE KNOWS. Connecting with the blessed Unchurched is SO important on Easter.  I’d find a great secular song that everyone knows, and kick off the service with it.  I’ve been dying for a church to start their Easter services with Boston’s “Don’t Look Back”, or Rare Earth’s “I Just Want to Celebrate”.  Talk about setting the tone for a party!

I WOULDN’T PUT ADDED PRESSURE ON ARTISTS. I used to gather all the artists together (musicians, media folks, actors, etc.) and give them a pep talk.  Usually that pep talk reminded them that “this is the biggest service of the year, so do everything extremely well.”  While all of that’s true, they didn’t need me to remind them of that, placing even more responsibility on their volunteer shoulders.  They ALREADY knew the stakes were higher – I didn’t have to tell them that.  And if they didn’t already feel that, they probably shouldn’t be on the Easter stage.

I’D PAY ATTENTION TO UNPLANNED MOMENTS. Once the service gets moving, there are always unplanned moments when the Spirit of God whispers, “By the way.  I’m here.”  When those moments happen, it’s so important for the pastor, emcee, or worship leader to say something like, “That feeling we have right now is God.  We hadn’t planned this, but He did.”  It’s so easy to become solely concerned with getting through the service elements, and miss the God who is speaking through those elements.

I’D REHEARSE EVERY TRANSITIONAL STATEMENT. As a pastor, I was the king of wing.  I wish I had planned exactly what to say in key transitional moments, and not winged it so much.  I don’t think I ever realized this truth…

Coming out of a reflective song, testimony, or video, I could literally implant truth into the hearts of everyone in the room, with the exact sentence I uttered next.

If I had it to do over, I’d require that everyone on the stage write out, then memorize, then rehearse their transitional statements within the services.  This not only takes away any ackward distractions; it also frees leaders to recognize God-moments better when they happen, because we’re not so concerned with making something up on the fly.

That’s a long list of do-overs.  I hadn’t planned on making this post as long.  I never do.

God’s richest blessings to you and your church as you plan and implement this year’s Easter services.

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If you’ve been following my journey over the past couple of weeks, you know that I’ve been living into this profound statement of truth…

Our deepest fears stand in stark contrast to our wildest dreams.

Pounding headaches and insomnia have accompanied me most of February.  And I’ve done what most guys do.  Nothing.  So without my request, my wife called our family doctor, and scheduled an appointment for me.  At 4:30 on Friday afternoon, I sat with our amazing family doctor, who is also a mature Christian man.

By the end of our time together, I wasn’t sure if I should pay him a medical fee, or a counseling fee.

In short, he told me that all my symptoms are caused by stress.

After a good amount of talking it through, I walked away with a potentially life-altering truth to implement in my own life as a leader.  Maybe yours too.

I CAN’T OWN WHAT I CAN’T OWN

There are things in my life that only I can own.  Example include:  The direction of my life.  The direction of the company I’m a part of.  The books I read.  The stuff I watch on cable.  The amount of time I spend socially networked.  Creating time and space to clearly hear His voice.  Creating time and space to clearly hear her voice.  Bitterness.  Anger.  Resentment.  Joy.  The mood I bring to the environments I sit in.  These are all mine to own.

But there are also things I can NOT own.  I mean literally – I don’t have the God-power to own them.  Recessions.  Success.  Other people’s personal and spiritual growth. The spending habits of churches and non-profits.

That’s a pretty good list.  But here’s the one thing I really need to say.  Out loud, thrown into the air.

I cannot own whether or not my partners and I get a paycheck two times every month.

I will work hard, and wise, and diligently.  I will stay connected to the Vine.  I will subscribe to the most spiritually mature RSS feeds I can find.  I will keep the crappy stuff out, and let the good stuff in.  I will listen to the right Podcasts. I will love beauty.  I will create art from pain.  I will craft a date with my wife every Friday night.  I will be fully present to/with my daughters.

But if, after all of that focused attention, the owners of Floodgate still can’t pay ourselves, I simply need to mourn a bit, smile a bit, and know that God knows our financial needs better than we do.

Really.  I’m not just spouting some “God is in control” crap.  God really is in control.  And as a part of His control, He gives me control of some things.

But He doesn’t ever give me control of the results.

Not me.

So my confession is hard to admit, and I never thought I’d be saying it…

I have left the land of dreaming, and crossed over into the land of fearing.  And if I plant myself in that land, I end up in a very unhealthy place.

Funny thing – My heart already knew what my body has been expressing.

I stand in that land.  Now.

But the roots haven’t grown deep.  I’m not planted firmly there.

And the walk back across the border won’t be easy.

Welcome to my current life.  Hitting “publish” wasn’t easy on this one.

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Our deepest fears stand in stark opposition to our wildest dreams.

It was 3:00am this past Monday morning.

Then it was 4:06am.

Then it was 5:23am.

As I continued to toss and turn, pulling the covers on, then throwing them off, I was battling with my deepest fear.

This thing I get to do called “Floodgate Productions” is my wildest dream ever.  But it’s also my deepest fear.  And during that particular night, I was battling with the fear part of the equation.  The fear goes something like this:  “Gary.  You are responsible for figuring out how to feed, not only your own family, but the families of five of your closest friends too.”  The fear then takes a turn toward the impossibility of growing a business in a recession, especially when your primary clients are churches who are financially strapped – now more than ever.

At the Floodgate Monday staff lunch, I emotionally barfed all over everyone.  The projectile vomit was far-reaching enough to warrant apologies to all involved.  Fear, driven by emotional and physical exhaustion, was winning the battle.

But it didn’t stay that way. Fear doesn’t have to win.  Even when we’re at the bottom of our depressive barrel, we have a way out.

I have a friend who totally gets this part of me.   He’s running his own company, in the same industry, in the same recession.  So I picked up the phone, and called him.  I told him that I didn’t need any advice, but that I simply needed to say some things out loud.

This is the key, so please read it slowly…

I needed to get words out of my heart, and into the air.

You may think that’s health and wealth, TBN theology.  But that’s not what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about confession.  I’m talking about taking words you’re feeling in your heart, then choosing the right person to speak them to.

Out loud.

He responded exactly like I knew he would.  He was gracious, encouraging, and helped me see clearly.

I hung up the phone, and immediately started dreaming again.  I came up with an idea for an IPhone App.  And I came up with a video idea for a different market.  I don’t know if these ideas will go anywhere, but that’s not the point.  The point is that I started dreaming again.

But it was only AFTER I verbalized something that was embarrassing, weak, and stupid to a friend.

Out loud.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.  James 5:16.

I’ve often viewed this verse in terms of a cause/effect warning – that I won’t get healed until I confess.  Maybe I need to view it, not as a warning, but as an opportunity.  That, if I can find one person to verbalize exactly what’s on my heart, I will then experience healing in the deepest corners of my soul.

Our deepest fears stand in stark opposition to our wildest dreams.

But those fears get an ass-kicking when we speak them to one person.

Out loud.

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Suzanne Hinn, wife of tele-evangelistic Benny Hinn, filed for divorce today.  The two have been living separately for the past three weeks.

When I heard the news, my immediate response was to feel extremely sarcastic and condemning.  It’s amazing, I thought, how he can “heal” everyone who comes to his miracle healing services, but he can’t heal his own marriage.  Why not just ask his wife to make a contribution to his ministry, send her some miracle anointing oil in return, and feature her story on his TBN show?  His trademark background string patch could provide the underscore for her story of health and wealth.

See what I mean?  Sarcastic and condemning.

But that was my flesh speaking.  And then, my heart began to turn.

I began to imagine that I was able to sit down with Benny Hinn, over coffee.  And I imagined him looking at me and asking, “What do you think God is doing here?”

The first thing I’d do is insist that we leave the coffee shop, and go to a pub.  I think that’s where Christ would go first.

Once we got a seat, I’d think I’d tell him that God didn’t cause the split.  Then, I’d tell him that God will use the split, if Benny allows it.

I’d tell him that Jesus hung on a cross for him, and that God doesn’t love him any more, or any less.

I’d tell him that God wants him to step away from public ministry for a really long time.

I’d tell him that God’s Kingdom isn’t the same kingdom he’s been preaching, and that this truth has the potential to completely set his heart free.

I’d tell him that his harshest, most brutal critics will be Christians.  I’d tell him that God wishes it wasn’t that way.

I’d tell him that God wants Benny to fall in love with a Jesus who doesn’t invite his followers to experience health, or wealth, or happiness – that the only invitation He offers is to come, and die.

I’d tell him that he doesn’t have to pose anymore – that the facade of his marriage is public, and that his white suits and perfectly groomed hair mean nothing anymore.  Again, I’d tell him that this truth is an invitation to deep freedom.

I’d give him Jim Bakker’s phone number, and suggest that he get in touch.

I’d pray for him, and leave him in the pub.  I’d drive home as quickly as I could, hug my wife, and recommit my love to her.

Then I’d pray that God would protect me from myself.

Because I can screw things up as much as any preacher on Christian television.

Maybe more.

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As I said in the first Dream-Killers post, you can’t really kill your dreams.  You can, however, cause them to need life-support by constantly suppressing them. And nothing suppresses our dreams like continuing the same plan, but expecting different results.

That’s the second Dream Killer:  Continuing on with the same plan, but expecting different results this time.

This pattern is so easy for leaders to accidentally slip into.  I am ALWAYS tempted to fall into this faulty way of thinking.

* We advertise the same way we did last year, because someone told us that a certain online method is the most effective.

* We conduct our staff meetings the same way, on the same day, at the same time, and expect a more motivated staff team.

* We even approach spirituality the same way, using methods that worked for us when we were at a high school church camp, but that cannot possibly work now.

The group of leaders I admire the most are called Turn-Around Church Pastors.  These are pastors who go into dead churches, and (slowly and methodically) turn them around.  How do they do this?  By changing the way they do everything.

They change the way the church does everything.

Some anonymous guy once defined insanity like this:

Insanity is doing things the same way over and over again, but expecting different results.

The mental picture I see is this:  A leader runs straight into a brick wall, head first.  Each time, he thinks the wall will fall down.  But each time, his forehead just gets a little more bruised, even a little more bloody.  What he needs to try is a different strategy – maybe climbing over the wall, or going around the wall, or hiring a demolition team to get rid of the wall.

As I’ve already stated, there’s no condemnation here whatsoever.  We’re all prone to this.  And the easiest way to discover this tendency is by pointing it out in the lives of others.  But maybe this time, we need to look into a mirror, not a window.

I wonder how many good men and women have lost their dreams because their heads are simply too battered and bruised to see past the wall?

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That’s a lousy title, because it’s not really true.  There’s actually nothing that can kill our deepest dreams and desires, because God put them there.  A better title might be “Dream Suppressors”.

In my life, I’ve watched people who are entirely alive to their dreams and desires.  I’ve also watched people who have completely given up, and are miserable.  I’ve been at both ends of the spectrum, and I’ll probably land there again in my life.

If you’re in that boat right now, there’s a good chance that you’re living consistently beyond the 80/20 rule.

That’s the first Dream Killer – Living consistently beyond the 80/20 rule.

There’s an 80/20 rule for everything.  Suppressing our dreams is no exception.  When good people spend 80% of their days working in areas they dislike, or doing jobs they dislike… their dreams will, over time, become hidden in the depths of their hearts.

On the flip side of that coin, people who are living into their dreams and desires have figured out a way to fill their days with 80% of the stuff that either ignites their heart, or has the potential to later ignite their heart.  The other 20% is stuff they just gotta do, but don’t really want to (I don’t believe we’ll ever get to 100% dream-living, at least this side of eternity).

What to do?  You’ve got two options:

First, you can completely redesign what your day looks like.

Second, with the blessing of your boss, you can completely redesign what your day looks like.

Third, you can quit your job and completely redesign what your day looks like.

I know.  That’s three options.  I just got caught up, because I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing, right now.  And no one’s paying me to do it.  And somehow…

that’s okay.

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When I was a pastor, the paid and volunteer leaders got together for a yearly weekend retreat.  Most years, we talked about the good, the not-so-good, and the opportunities we had for the future.  One year, though, the agenda was thrown out the window.

That was the year we all repented.

Every one of us.

It was as if God Himself showed up in our mountain cabin, and caused us to desperately admit any good ministry task or goal we had inadvertently placed higher than Jesus. As we stood in a circle, our Senior Pastor lead us through this spontaneous process.  With our hands held by the people on our right and left, and with our eyes closed tightly, these phrases began to come from our mouths…

* God. I admit that I’ve put the church’s numerical growth above my desire for Jesus.

* God. I confess that I’ve put recruiting new teachers above Jesus Christ.

* I confessed that I put what others thought about the music/arts above my heart’s yearning for the Son of God.

In any ministry, it’s so easy to put good things above THE thing.  When we talk about wanting to build a big church, or recruit great leaders, or perform music with excellence, it all sounds SO good and SO pious.

But when we put those goals above our desire for the presence of Jesus, we’re screwed.

Paul put it this way (Phil. 3:8)…

I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

So what about you?  Is there some good and noble aspect of ministry (paid or volunteer) that you’ve inadvertently placed about your heart’s yearning for Jesus?

Might it be good to repent?

Go ahead.  We’re all friends here.  It’s only the internet.

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Jesus said…

Follow me, and I will make you:

* Successful.

* Theologically accurate.

* Politically influential.

* Healthy.

* Persuasive.

* Worthy of a mass Twitter following.

* Wealthy.

* Popular within the Christian subculture.

* A mega-church pastor.

* A nano-church pastor.

Even though we’d never admit to any of these core beliefs, I wonder if we ever wrestle with putting our own definition in the blank space after Jesus’ promise to make us __________.   I know I do.

He didn’t make any of those promises.  Instead, he simply said, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.”

When we follow Jesus, we start to look at the world, and figure out the best ways to introduce them to Him.

Not to our brand of Christianity.  Not to our beliefs about Obama.  Not even to our own church.

But to Jesus.

I gotta admit:  Every day of my life, I need to be reminded of that specific truth.

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In the mid 200’s (A.D.), Claudius the Cruel was the Emperor of Rome (I’ve got a hunch he didn’t choose that name for himself).  He was a powerful ruler, but had difficulty filling his military, due to the bloody outcomes of his war campaigns.  Claudius blamed this on fondness of family – that he couldn’t recruit soldiers due to their desire to be with their wives and children.

So he outlawed the ability for men to get married.  No engagement.  No weddings.

Valentine was a priest in Rome, who believed in marriage so strongly, that he secretly married Christians.  For this, he was apprehended, and thrown in prison. The Prefect of Rome offered him freedom, if he would only renounce Christianity, and worship the Emperor as lord.

Valentine would not renounce his faith.

As a result, he was sentenced to death.  While awaiting his death, he fell in love with the Jailer’s daughter.  Many notes were exchanged between the two.

On February 14, 269 A.D., Valentine was taken away, and put to death in three stages.  First he was beaten with clubs.  Then he was stoned.  Finally, he was decapitated.

But hours before his execution, he had written his final note to his love, telling her of his deep affection for her.   He signed the note…

“…from your Valentine”.

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