When I was a teenager, bands like “Rez Band” (called “Resurrection Band” back then) and “Servant” proved that they could sound like Randy Rhoades and Eddie Van Halen.  My best friend – Nick – and I saw “Servant” in an abandoned warehouse downtown, and some no name band called “Petra” opened for them. Their eight-tracks, and their live shows, were incredibly inspiring to me.

It was good stuff.

But some of it’s not so good anymore.  So I’m writing a letter to the CCM industry.  And I’m asking that one thing be remembered as these song-writers open a blank word processing document, and begin to put phrases down. Here’s my letter…

___________________

Dear CCM:

I humbly request that you recognize that God is not your girlfriend.  I’m quite sure you already know this, but the lyrics you produce, and the albums you record, seem to indicate that you don’t understand this truth completely.

I’d like to propose a ban on the following phrases when you write your lyrics.  Please treat my proposed ban like we treat the swine flu epidemic – do everything you can to keep it from spreading.

My proposed banned phrases:

* “I just wanna be with you.” God is with you, whether you want Him to be, or not.  He is ommipresent.

* “Take me as I am”.  He’s not ever gonna take you as you are.  His holiness demands that He cannot.  God takes you as Jesus is, not as you are.  No need to keep begging.

* “Take me away”.  God wants the opposite for each of us reading this.  He wants us to partner with Him in fixing a broken world, not escaping from it.

* “Let me see you”.  You really don’t want Him to answer this.  Moses begged for it, and He saw God’s butt.  If we ever saw God, we’d disintegrate.  Faster than the guy at the end of Indiana Jones.  An act of God’s grace is for us to see His work, but not His person.

So CCM – you’re probably wondering why this is so important to me.  It’s quite simple, really.  I have three teenage daughters who are deeply influenced by your songs.  They sing your words by heart.  They know the lyrics to your songs far better than they know Scripture.  So if you’re gonna become such an influence in the lives of my daughters (and in the lives of millions of teengers and young adults), I would simply ask that you hold high the Almighty God in ALL His holiness.  My daughters, and the millions of people in their generation, really need to know the One True God.  They need to know the love and the grace of a holy God.

Because God is not your girlfriend.

Not even close.

The Instigator – This person loves to help their friends think critically.  They do this by posting a difficult question, a current events link, or a quote.  Their goal is to get as many people as possible to give their opinion in response.  This person doesn’t instigate because it’s fun or controlling – they legitimately believe our best lives are lived when we think critically.

The Intercessor – In Christian circles, there are a number of Facebook friends who use it as a motivator to pray.  I don’t understand this because I’m terrible at praying. But I respect these people.

The Purest – Facebook got its start by simply encouraging people to post their unique answers to this question:  What are you doing?  This person simply answers that question, once or twice each day.

The Advisor – Whenever anyone posts something like, “I’m having a bad day at work”, or “Thinking about eating at Red Robin”, the Advisor quickly posts their advice.  As the name implies, they’re always ready to give it, whether the initial post asks for it, or not.  Just give it to God”, or “You should try the Monster Burger”, are the phrases the Advisor might use.

The Scheduled Responder – These are the people who, at a designated time every day, respond to all posts, one after the other after the other.  They view their responses as a task to be completed.  Once they’re completed, they log out.  Until the next designated time.

The Opinionator – This is the person who will always give her opinion on your post.  You may not ask for her opinion, but you know it’s coming anyway.  Unlike the Advisor, they’re not trying to help you figure something out.  They’re simply telling you what you should believe.

The Lurker – This is the person who never types his own status updates, but is very interested in keeping up with the lives of his Facebook friends.  Curiosity motivates the Lurker to spend a lot of time on Facebook, but fear and insecurity prevent him from contributing.

The Gamer – This is the person who gets on Facebook as a Purest, but transforms into a Gamer by playing games, taking personality tests, or sending gifts.  You know you’ve got a Gamer as a friend if, after six months, you still have no idea what’s going on in their life; but you know that their personality most closely resembles Britney Spears.

The Pastor – This term describes anyone in leadership who is not on Facebook, because he refuses to see any real potential.

The Cook – This is the person who thinks it’s vitally important that everyone knows what he’s eating, and where he’s eating it.  The Cook can graduate to the title of “The Chef” if he posts a picture of the food he’s currently eating.

The Humorist – As the name implies, these are people who simply make the rest of us laugh.  They have a unique way of writing, and have learned to use words as a paintbrush that makes light of the crap we all go through every day.

So the obvious question is:  Which one (or two?) are you?

I suppose this post describes the true beauty of what Facebook offers.  It offers relationship, and it offers diversity.  And sometimes, I wonder if I go deeper relationally on Facebook than I do on Sunday morning.

Just the kind of closing comment an Instigator would write.

At first, I thought this was a voice-over.¬† But as I’ve watched it now (a thousand times), I’m pretty convinced that this guy is really speaking with his own voice.

He’s either yelling something that I can’t understand, or he’s saying, “Bob”.

Please enjoy.  And feel free to weigh in on what he might be saying.