In case you missed Part One of “Submitting and Disagreeing”, you can check it out here.
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I think there are three things we can do when we disagree with someone in authority over us. There’s no formula here – just some already-lived experience that I wish I would have embraced when I was young and entitled and prideful.
SUPPORT PUBLICLY, DISAGREE PRIVATELY
Support your leader publicly. Support the vision of the organization publicly. And if you disagree with anything, simply communicate your disagreement in a private conversation, behind closed doors. And if you work in a church setting, never ever disagree with the Senior Pastor on a Sunday afternoon. It’s not fair for either of you to have a conversation in the parking lot, because there’s too much exhaustion present.
TRY THE IDEA, THEN REPORT BACK
If an authority figure wants you to try a new idea, and if you disagree with that idea, communicate something like this. “I’m not sure I agree with that, but I’ll give it a try, then get back to you. How long should we try this for?”
BE SUBMISSIVE, NOT SILENT
This was the biggest mistake I made as a pastor. I confused silence with submission. I thought they were the same thing.
They’re not.
The pastors I worked under would tell you that they wish I would have been more honest with them about how I was feeling, and about how strongly I disagreed with some areas of their delegation toward me. My silence did not equal a submissive heart.
And I would tell you that there’s power in a verbal confrontation, and that confronting someone is not the opposite of making peace with them. I would also tell you that my silence turned into deep resentment, and that I’m still dealing with that today.
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What am I missing here? How do you submit to someone when you disagree with them?
I’ll wrap this Blog Series up in a couple of days. If you haven’t already subscribed to the RSS, click here to make that happen.
