Dream Killers #3: Fear

on Feb 24 in Everyday Life, Faith, Leadership, TMI

Our deepest fears stand in stark opposition to our wildest dreams.

It was 3:00am this past Monday morning.

Then it was 4:06am.

Then it was 5:23am.

As I continued to toss and turn, pulling the covers on, then throwing them off, I was battling with my deepest fear.

This thing I get to do called “Floodgate Productions” is my wildest dream ever.  But it’s also my deepest fear.  And during that particular night, I was battling with the fear part of the equation.  The fear goes something like this:  “Gary.  You are responsible for figuring out how to feed, not only your own family, but the families of five of your closest friends too.”  The fear then takes a turn toward the impossibility of growing a business in a recession, especially when your primary clients are churches who are financially strapped – now more than ever.

At the Floodgate Monday staff lunch, I emotionally barfed all over everyone.  The projectile vomit was far-reaching enough to warrant apologies to all involved.  Fear, driven by emotional and physical exhaustion, was winning the battle.

But it didn’t stay that way. Fear doesn’t have to win.  Even when we’re at the bottom of our depressive barrel, we have a way out.

I have a friend who totally gets this part of me.   He’s running his own company, in the same industry, in the same recession.  So I picked up the phone, and called him.  I told him that I didn’t need any advice, but that I simply needed to say some things out loud.

This is the key, so please read it slowly…

I needed to get words out of my heart, and into the air.

You may think that’s health and wealth, TBN theology.  But that’s not what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about confession.  I’m talking about taking words you’re feeling in your heart, then choosing the right person to speak them to.

Out loud.

He responded exactly like I knew he would.  He was gracious, encouraging, and helped me see clearly.

I hung up the phone, and immediately started dreaming again.  I came up with an idea for an IPhone App.  And I came up with a video idea for a different market.  I don’t know if these ideas will go anywhere, but that’s not the point.  The point is that I started dreaming again.

But it was only AFTER I verbalized something that was embarrassing, weak, and stupid to a friend.

Out loud.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.  James 5:16.

I’ve often viewed this verse in terms of a cause/effect warning – that I won’t get healed until I confess.  Maybe I need to view it, not as a warning, but as an opportunity.  That, if I can find one person to verbalize exactly what’s on my heart, I will then experience healing in the deepest corners of my soul.

Our deepest fears stand in stark opposition to our wildest dreams.

But those fears get an ass-kicking when we speak them to one person.

Out loud.