What’s Your Facebook Profile?

on Oct 07 in Art and Media, Everyday Life, Funny

My buddies and I were laughing yesterday about the different roles people play Facebook. I know other people have written about this, but I thought I’d give it a try, from my unique interpretative experience.

The Instigator – This person loves to help their friends think critically.  They do this by posting a difficult question, a current events link, or a quote.  Their goal is to get as many people as possible to give their opinion in response.  This person doesn’t instigate because it’s fun or controlling – they legitimately believe our best lives are lived when we think critically.

The Intercessor – In Christian circles, there are a number of Facebook friends who use it as a motivator to pray.  I don’t understand this because I’m terrible at praying. But I respect these people.

The Purest – Facebook got its start by simply encouraging people to post their unique answers to this question:  What are you doing?  This person simply answers that question, once or twice each day.

The Advisor – Whenever anyone posts something like, “I’m having a bad day at work”, or “Thinking about eating at Red Robin”, the Advisor quickly posts their advice.  As the name implies, they’re always ready to give it, whether the initial post asks for it, or not.  Just give it to God”, or “You should try the Monster Burger”, are the phrases the Advisor might use.

The Scheduled Responder – These are the people who, at a designated time every day, respond to all posts, one after the other after the other.  They view their responses as a task to be completed.  Once they’re completed, they log out.  Until the next designated time.

The Opinionator – This is the person who will always give her opinion on your post.  You may not ask for her opinion, but you know it’s coming anyway.  Unlike the Advisor, they’re not trying to help you figure something out.  They’re simply telling you what you should believe.

The Lurker – This is the person who never types his own status updates, but is very interested in keeping up with the lives of his Facebook friends.  Curiosity motivates the Lurker to spend a lot of time on Facebook, but fear and insecurity prevent him from contributing.

The Gamer – This is the person who gets on Facebook as a Purest, but transforms into a Gamer by playing games, taking personality tests, or sending gifts.  You know you’ve got a Gamer as a friend if, after six months, you still have no idea what’s going on in their life; but you know that their personality most closely resembles Britney Spears.

The Pastor – This term describes anyone in leadership who is not on Facebook, because he refuses to see any real potential.

The Cook – This is the person who thinks it’s vitally important that everyone knows what he’s eating, and where he’s eating it.  The Cook can graduate to the title of “The Chef” if he posts a picture of the food he’s currently eating.

The Humorist – As the name implies, these are people who simply make the rest of us laugh.  They have a unique way of writing, and have learned to use words as a paintbrush that makes light of the crap we all go through every day.

So the obvious question is:  Which one (or two?) are you?

I suppose this post describes the true beauty of what Facebook offers.  It offers relationship, and it offers diversity.  And sometimes, I wonder if I go deeper relationally on Facebook than I do on Sunday morning.

Just the kind of closing comment an Instigator would write.