Dad Lesson #1

on Aug 18 in Everyday Life, Faith

My oldest daughter is going away to college.¬† Her choice.¬† Our choice.¬† It’s all a very beautiful thing.¬† I will miss her tremendously.¬† And I will cheer her on loudly.

And as you already know, there’s nothing like a little pain and beauty in your life to cause you to look deeply into your own soul.¬† I’m experiencing both, and I’m taking a good hard look.¬† I see a number of things – both good and bad.

First and foremost, I see something that should be an encouragement to all dads, everywhere.¬† I’m seeing that love truly does cover a multitude of sins.

My wife and I haven’t had the greatest marriage ever invented.¬† We do now, but it hasn’t always been that way.¬† We both brought a lot of baggage into the afternoon of 09.09.89.¬† We never learned how to experience healthy conflict.¬† We made terrible financial decisions.¬† Her abandonment issues.¬† My artistic insecurities.

Wad all of that crap up into a ball, toss it out on the playing field, and the potential for disaster is written everywhere.

But there is no disaster.

There has been no disaster in our marriage.  There has been no disaster in our home.  In our children.  I have shouted at her in front of the kids Рtime and time again.  We have disagreed on money, on discipline, on vacation destinations, on major and minor holidays.  The couch has won my affection more times than I can count.

But there has been no disaster.

The reason is something I really want younger fathers to hear.  The reason is because love wins.

Love wins.

Love covers up all that other stuff.  My daughter proves it.  She is confident.  She is picky with her friendships.  She loves Jesus with her whole heart.  She laughs at herself.  She is diligent.  She is dependable.  And she is beautiful.

And I firmly believe that the reason is love.

God’s love has been consistently communicated to our daughters.¬† At all times, God loves them unconditionally, and they’ve never questioned that.¬† I feel so sorry for children whose parents haven’t made God personal and intimate.¬† Scripture speaks of a God who is, at the core of His personality, a Father.¬† Intimate.¬† Personal.¬† Loving.¬† Involved.

As fathers, we can fail our children plenty.¬† It’s not okay, but it’s okay.¬† We can yell too loud.¬† We can lose our temper too quickly.¬† We can golf too much.¬† We can discipline too soon, or not soon enough.¬† But here’s the truth:

That stuff gets covered up when God’s love is expressed through words and actions.¬† A love expressed through both the Dad and the Mom.

Expressed.¬† That’s the key.

And the reverse is most definitely not true.¬† If a young person rebels and does drugs, then it’s not necessarily because the parents didn’t express love correctly. And even for parents in this situation (I may be one of those parents in years to come), the truth is still true.¬† Love wins.¬† Hang in there.¬† You’ll see.

So dads – please take a pistol, and kill the Phantom Father.¬† He doesn’t exist anyway.¬† Start living with risk.¬† With faith.¬† Allow yourself to make mistakes.¬† Admit your mistakes to those you sin against.

But at the end of the day, by any means necessary… EXPRESS your love.

Why?  Because love wins.

Every time.

(More Dad-thoughts to come as my soul searching wears on).