Confessions of a Christian Father

on Aug 27 in Everyday Life, TMI

My friend and I were sitting at Famous Dave’s yesterday, rib meat stuck between our teeth.¬† We were laughing, and of course, smiling.¬† The more we smiled, the more rib stuff became noticeable, and the more we laughed.¬† Which meant the more we smiled.

After the laughing, and some much-needed fingernail flossing, we started talking about being fathers.  I felt incredibly safe Рone of those rare times when I knew I could say whatever was on my heart, and it would be fine by him.

I talked about some specific ways I am NOT a “good Christian father”.¬† The following confessional has been brewing for these past 18 years – the same 18 years I’ve existed inside the Christian bubble.

And it took some killer BBQ to help me get here.¬† So here’s my laundry list…

I confess that I never really read the Bible to my children at night.  Instead, I chose to make spiritual discussions part of the norm, at any time of the day or night.

I confess that, after each daughter graduated sixth grade, there weren’t many nighttime prayers with my children.¬† It just sort of… stopped.¬† Instead, I started going into each of their rooms after they were asleep, and prayed one thing over them – courage.¬† Not safety, peace. or joy.¬† But courage.¬† If they have courage, they’ll have all that other stuff in bundles.

I confess that I would rather my children learn 70′s rock, over most Christian music.¬† And with the advent of Guitar Hero, that wish has come to pass (how cool is that my 12 year old can sing every word to “Tom Sawyer”?).¬† Christian music is great, but so is a lot of other music.

I confess that we didn’t really spank the girls.¬† Maybe a couple of times, but it just didn’t sit right with us.¬† I know… “Spare the rod, spoil the child”.¬† But I don’t know many shepherds who beat their sheep with a rod.¬† Spanking may be fine with you, but don’t use that verse as permission.

I confess that we never worshipped together as a family.¬† I confess that I don’t know what “worship together as a family” really means.

I confess that – even as a paid pastor – I regularly encouraged my wife and children to just “ditch” a Sunday or two.

You’re probably reading these confessions as mistakes I’m admitting – even as sins I’m finally getting out in the open.¬† “Dang.¬† It sure must feel good for Gary to get that crap out in the open.”¬† But that’s not what I’m doing.

I’m saying that, for my family, these were some of the best things I could have done as a dad.¬† There is no Christian book available (that I know of) that encourages fathers to do any of the stuff I’m confessing to.¬† But that’s fine with me.¬† My children all feel very safe, very trusted, and very independent.¬† There is a ton of love in my family, and Jesus is very present and personal in our home.¬† We’re learning to live with eyes focused outwardly.¬† We’re learning that redemption is something that God initiated in Christ, but that we partner together with Him to offer to the world.

I do not want to create a nice Christian family.  I want to create a revolution.

And, because this is my confession, I’m turning off the ability for anyone else to post a comment here.¬† And if you’re a Facebook friend, please don’t post over there just because you need to.¬† This is SO VERY personal, and is SO OPEN to such great debate.¬† Just the kind of fuel the the Enemy would use to get you and I to miss the point.

The point is the Christian bubble.

We have surrounded ourselves with Christian books, Christian eating plans, Christian music, Christian mints, Christian apparel, Christian blogs (like this one), and Christian parenting techniques.¬† And, after we’ve spent the last twenty years living within these surroundings, fewer people than ever in North America want to have anything to do with Christianity.

So my goal is not for you to look at my parental confessions and mimic them.¬† I’d rather you disagree with them.¬† Fight them.¬† Commit to never being the kind of father I am.¬† That’s all well and good. But my most sincere hope is for you to read my life, and ask hard questions about any Christian bubble you find yourself living in.

Courage to you as you do this.

And peace.  Lots of peace.