Crap

on Mar 12 in Everyday Life, Faith, TMI

It’s Saturday morning, and my wife and I are starting the ascent of a really good fight.¬† We have been married 19 years, and are prone to believe that we won’t have any more of these kind of fights.¬† We are wrong.

We have moved through the Minor Irritation Phase.¬† Upon advancing, we find ourselves in the Prove You’re Right Phase.¬† Finally, we end up in the Throw Respect Out the Window Phase.

And we have to go to lunch with some people we barely know.

I throw my IPhone in my front pocket, we get in the car, and begin driving.

My wife hates cussing, and will never resort to it.  Not me.  I decide to throw in a few really good cuss words Рthe kind of cuss words Christians are not supposed to say.  I am yelling at her, and she is starting to back down.  My beautiful wife is taking the high road of choosing not to win, and instead, striving for peace.

There are a few moments of silence.¬† That’s when I pull my IPhone out of my pocket to check my email.

Crap.

I have unknowingly dialed the cell number of a business associate, who is also a friend.¬† We know each other, but don’t live in the same city, so our relationship hasn’t turned deep yet.

But it’s about to.

Crap.  Crap.

I put the IPhone up to my ear.¬† It has kicked over to his voicemail.¬† The timer on my phone says, “1:38″.¬† For the last minute and thirty-eight seconds, everything I’ve yelled at my wife has been recorded to his voicemail.

Everything.

Crap.  Crap.  Crap.

I am dying a thousand deaths.¬† I make the wise choice of not telling my wife what’s going on.¬† I have already wounded her enough with my words.¬† I will spend the next month trying to convince her that I didn’t mean what I yelled.¬† She will forgive and forget.¬† She’s amazing that way.

We make it to lunch.  My heart is heavy with the fact that we argued, and that someone has found me out.

I email my friend two days later.¬† Email is the coward’s way of dealing with conflict.¬† I tell him that I thought he may have received something from me – something that I’m ashamed of.¬† He confirms that he has received it, and simply says:

“Gary.¬† It makes me feel like my wife and I aren’t the only ones.”¬† He goes on to tell me that my voicemail has already been deleted, and forgotten.

Take-home:  I want to learn to argue as if people are listening to the argument Рbut I want to be proud of the words I choose, and the way I convey them.  I want to learn to stay Christian during my interpersonal conflicts.  I want to care more about the love of a person, than the love of being right.

I have seen my friend once since then, and have talked several times on the phone.  He has never again mentioned the voicemail.

And for the life of me, I can’t remember what we were arguing about in the first place.