Help Me Understand
on Feb 15 in Church, WorshipThis morning at church, a couple arrived 30 minutes late.¬† The band (of which I was a part) was finished, and sitting outside the front door – much like 7-Eleven employees taking a cigarette break in front of their store.¬† No cigarettes for us, though.¬† The late couple walked past us and said, “It’s been a rough morning.”¬† That was their excuse for being late.¬† Here’s the problem with that.
This couple is 30 minutes late EVERY Sunday morning.  No kidding.
I always respond with something like, “It’s better to have you here for 20 minutes than not at all.”¬† But I’m lying.¬† I just want to make them feel okay.
So please help me understand why Christians would come to church 30 minutes late every single Sunday?¬† I’m not asking out of judgment or criticism, but out of seeking an honest answer.¬† And I’ll admit that it’s frustrating for me.
While you’re at it, please help me understand why I lie to make them feel good.
Then, there are the pee’ers in the worship services.¬† Every Sunday morning in both worship services, the same people, who sit¬† in the same seats, get up at the same time, and head to the same bathroom.¬† They have to go pee.¬† And it happens like clockwork.
Will someone please help me understand why they cannot pee before the services start?  They are not older folks, so I assume their bladders work decently well.  Even my brother-in-law (who has a real bladder issue) can make it through a 75-minute worship service without peeing.  And my wife Рwho has the smallest bladder in the history of the world Рmanages a strategy to hold it.
Maybe there’s¬† something cool happening in the bathrooms that I don’t know about?
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G… this is such a classic problem and so common today. I’m guessing people know no one will call them on the issue, so it continues. No accountability, no solution. You know, when you join most churches, there are very few, if any, requirements of the members whether it’s leadership or promptness. And the typical member doesn’t make it a priority because there’s no pressure to do anything more than be a member.
You probably know what the deal is, and you may have been just venting. And I’m with you on that.
Grace. That’s why you say what you say. Though, it’s probably not really a lie, is it? It’s so much more noble than ripping the carpet out from under someone just to prove a point. It’s the same reason you don’t make a fuss about the peeing. In the end, who cares. Offering a little grace costs nothing but the payback is big.
Airing your grievances is good. And, I would always encourage people to do so so in a restrained form like a blog. Otherwise, outright judgment can be so cold coming from people who aren’t perfect…that’s you and me, by the way.
I always had thoughts that this act COULD parallel their spiritual life. They want to come closer to God (just thoughts, not saying anything with certainty). They want to go to church. But they can’t get past their circumstances and themselves to make it a priority. They think it is what they need, but can’t seem to make it happen. They only thing we are really in control of is saying No to God. This is just a hypothetical that I could imagine being true after talking (but not in depth) to some of these late comers.
Hey Gary,
I see this quite often like yourself. I support the grace reply from J. Curtis, but, added with a dose of accountability. Knowing these that you are referring to, they have a position of inflluence on Sunday moring not only to the congregation but to their kids. Again, grace covers a multitude, but because we care, we need to confront as well. Seasoned with grace!
Gary,
First, I must say, many thoughts come to mind when reading this post…
My initial and gut reaction to your setting here is a) why, like so many churches, do you allow or participate in a band that would be outside during the sermon? As I think back on the number of churches I have volunteered with or been paid to work for, I shudder to recall many services the staff and volunteer staff “sat out.” That frustrates me… and I participated in the common, “Well, I’m working Sunday” mentality. (Been there done that, and wondered if you thought about how your band’s appearance outside the church might affect the others inside.)
b) In addressing the issue with the couple or the pee-ers… what DO you know about them? Are they uncomfortable with the direction of the sermon? Is Christ stirring something in them that makes them uneasy? Are they dealing with sin issues, or rather not dealing with them?
Perhaps they have medical problems that go beyond bladder issues. A regular medication that needs to be taken at 10 am?
I have a friend who has to make a decision whether or not to attend church on Sundays because her job requires her to be on call all weekend and answer pages immediately. Should she stay home?
Some folks may be arriving late, but only attending to fulfill their sense of obligation– the obligatory attendance of church on Sunday. But, likewise, the guy handing out bulletins might also be earning his treasure laid up in Heaven by arriving early and attending regularly, all for an outward appearance of good deeds… which is better? In that sense, I guess at least the guy that arrived early did not distract from anyone else, but he probably has a much greater sense of security in his salvation than he should have if all he is working for is “good deeds.”
Even closer to home, I personally have to work to attend church. Every morning is a “rough morning”– and that is not a lie, cover, or farce to make others feel better. We have one child with special needs and it greatly impacts the household.
So, Gary, I would love for you to reflect on the job God has provided you with… the job of providing a worshipful experience to all people… whatever flock arrives each Sunday. Remember that He knows each of them and meets each of them where they are at and it is not your job to judge why regular attender 9b leaves his seat at 9:55 to pee…. frustrating though it might be… it is not your job… it is God’s. To meet Regular Attender 9b right where he is and deal with him.
-Jennie
Ok Gary, here is my reason for always being about 10-15 minutes late.It so does not reflect our spiritual lives!! We have 4 kids and 2 adults to get there on time. We get up late sometimes and rush around sometimes I will admit. Usually we are up in plenty of time. Something always happens : Brian cant find his shoes, Jenna’s hair isnt right, Madelyn pooped just as we’re out the door, Joshua fell and is now screaming bloody murder. Even when we allow time for these inevitable events, it always happens as we are out the door. We are usually late to everything we try to attend. We have resolved ourselves to this for maybe another 5 years, then hopefully everyone will be old enough to have it together. So eventhough you want to scream at these people instead of say “better late than never” I think that really is true. We really have no idea what is going on and it may be a fantastic reason ( like mine) to be late. We could just give up and say,”screw this, it’s too hard getting there and we’re always late so what’s the point?” But God gets us there in His time. Hey, maybe they just don’t like the worship music:)
Ouch! The comment about not liking the worship stings me and I’m not even part of a worship team (anymore). I’m a worship lover by nature and even though the particular style lately might not by my favorite, I can’t imagine anything that I would rather do more than sing to my Savior. God has brought me to my knees and opened my eyes more times through music than just reading scripture. Its just my thing I guess. And even if its not your cup of tea, every aspect of our personal relationship with the Lord is important. You won’t really grow if you say I don’t like reading the scripture, prayer, worship, or christian fellowship, so I’m just not going to do that part. Would you really tell God I don’t really need to be involved in one of these activities. Ha! Sounds foolish, right.
I admit my biggest spiritual struggle is judgment, I really struggle with things I can’t wrap my brain around. One of those things is tardiness. I despise being late,I think it is so disrespectful now matter where you are going or what function you are attending. I almost have a panic attack if I’m not 10 minutes early. I admit now with kids (and a husband, yes sometimes he is the cause) I have been late a few more times than I would like to admit, because yes things do come up. But, if I look back I can say it could have been avoided. I was just being lazy or did not plan for things ahead of time. More often than not, in my house we plan to be ready 30 minutes before we have to go anywhere (including and extra 10 minutes for driving time in case of bad traffic). We usually end up ready only 10-15 minutes early because things happen but now we have the time to deal with them. I have to do things this way. I find it is so helpful especial in my interaction with my children. If I’m feeling the pressure of a time constraint I’m not going to be in a very good mood and I will usually snap at them for things that might not be there fault. I don’t want to look back and regret that I had no time or patience for the simple interactions with my kids (the lady bug commercial comes to mind, ya know in life their are no rewinds take the time and count the ladybugs spots).
Anyway, back to the debate. I think its okay to be frustrated or upset or even a little angry. I was so relieved when I realized God said its okay to be angry. Just don’t sin in your angry. So that means no confrontation. Unless you search your heart and feel lead (like someone else commented) you can put aside your own personal frustrations and really are concerned about helping them be accountable in there walk with the Lord. One could debate on this forever. But I really enjoyed reading the other comments. Thanks to everyone for their input.
The jr. high side of me wants to say that I wasn’t able to read this entire post ’cause I had to run to the bathroom. But I won’t.
Bottom line: it’s all priorities. I feel for the families who have children who can’t find shoes, etc., etc., etc. Funny how they can get to school on time. Or catch an airplane on time. Or do *insert-other-high-priority-time-sensitive-activity-that’s-really-important-here* on time.
You want it bad enough… you place a high enough priority on it… you’ll get there.
On time.
Without excuses.
‘Cause excuses are like… you know… everyone has them.
OK… let the flames begin.
Gary
Stirred up a hornets nest didn’t you. In response to Jen D: I’ve been part of a portable church for several years. We are there setting up and tearing down from 6 am until 1pm and it is an act of service that I gladly participate in. When I am done leading worship I stay in one of the services and help tear down signs during the second and at times I do take a break during the message and talk to the people I have been serving with for hours. During the time that I am doing set-up at the school we are using I often hear in the distance the cheers from the soccer fields where people have chosen to make that game a priority for the morning. I wonder if they were late for that? On Monday are they going to constantly be 30 minutes late for work? The first 30 minutes aren’t important anyway.
Things happen, life happens and I get that. I don’t think Gary is talking about those who have the occasional morning from hell. We all do. But when it is week after week after week I don’t get it. Not everyone likes our music and I understand that. But God begins some amazing things in the lives of our people on Sunday morning and to have that environment disrupted by someone showing up late or making multiple trips to the restroom only to return to their front row seat. Come on, They might just as well come back with a bucket of popcorn.
This is an awesome discussion… I loved reading every bit of it!
The answer is simple and gets back to what the one woman with the kids who never makes it to church on time said… maybe they just don’t like worship music
Don’t you love “:)” ?
I went to Jack Hayford’s church years ago… if you weren’t there ten minutes early, forget it… you weren’t going to get a seat, you were going to either have to wait for the next service or go home. If you did get there ten minutes early you were ushered to the first available seat and instructed to sit as close as possible to the person next to you… man it was so seeker “insensitive” it was painful… and then the music was old and boring…. really not what I was expecting…
I went to TD Jake’s church a few years ago and same deal… get there 20 minutes early or forget about it… once there stand and wait behind the red line until you are allowed to go in and be told where to sit…. I endured 45 minutes of “average” worship and bad “programming” just to get to the message….
So, why do some people hang out in the lobby for the first 10 minutes of the worship set where I lead worship? The answer is painfully obvious… It’s certainly not their fault… blaming them for my lack of anointing, excellence, power, preparation, or whatever is a scapegoat… nothing more, nothing less….
So, I work like it depends on me, challenge and rehearse my team like it depends on them, pray that no one in the room will see us but see Jesus and pray that someday He will choose to anoint and bless my efforts like he has Jack Hayford or TD Jakes… Until that time I’ll be grateful for the group that comes in a few minutes early, for the elderly couple that comes in and prays over the pews while we rehearse… for the young people on the front row worshiping their brains out… and for a pastor who is always on the front row worshiping. And if he chooses to be in the room every time I lead worship, I’ll listen to his sermon every time he preaches it…. (I ask my team to sit through at least one…)
This is an awesome thread! Keep up the great work Gary!
God Bless